I was in my 3rd year highschool when my most embarrassing moment happened in the 80's. I was a basketball varsity player ...actually bangko ako... in an exclusive co-ed school somewhere in QC. It was goin' to be our second game in the finals and we were preparing not to be eliminated coz our opponent took game 1 of best of three. Twenty minutes before our big game, my friend, #11, brought out 3 raw eggs from his bag and gave one to me. I asked him if this would have anything to do with our performance to think I was just a reserve and might not even have the chance to play kasi crucial na yung game. He replied "H'wag ka nang ba-bakla-bakla lunukin mo nalang". When I swallowed the whole thing it almost made me puke... pero I believed that some strange power will emerge when I play. He added "O, ano? Di lang pang boxing yan para din sa basketball yan". During the first half of the game, our opponent led as many as 16 points and it gave us a lot of reason to lose our confidence. At the start of the second half, our team captain, #42, started hitting 4 consecutive 3 pointers, and that somehow made things moving for us. With all the wild cheers going and the excitement building around the gym, I began to feel excited and was able make several sneaky hot farts until one of the my team mates whispered "Si coach ata umutot kasi ang baho". I laughed so hard coz I knew it was mine but my team mate thought I was laughing because of what he told me. As the final two minutes approached, our team was still behind by 4 points but we knew the momentum had shifted to us. By the time we cut the lead to just 2 points, our coach called for a time out with 23 seconds left in the clock. When the game resumed, #42, like what all best players do, managed to steal the ball during an in-bound pass and hit a jumper...Boom! The crowd was sent into a pandemonium including our principal, who almost lost his false teeth and wig from non-stop jumping. With 19 seconds left in the game, disaster struck! Our point guard and second scorer, #12, committed his 5th personal foul and I was being asked to replace him given that our two other average players graduated too. At that point, we saw our opponents trying to take back what was rightfully theirs from the beginning...the lead. I made an inbound pass to #42 and he immediately forced his way to the basket only to find out it was too tight. Although I was the only one open, #42 didn't bother to pass the ball to me as if passing it to me would spell disaster...He was wrong! With nobody to pass on, he desperately gave the ball to me, and with nobody to pass on too, I panicked and made the shot from the side...Boom! I hit the edge of the board (patay ang butiki) but I was fouled, meaning, I get to take 2 free throws. I missed the first shot...Damn! I was so nervous that butterflies have started flying in my stomach. I remembered telling myself --just one shot and I'll be an instant hero. I dribbled ala Rudy Distrito...then, lo and behold, I made the second shot...My very first point in the league...Boom! The crowd went crazy and started chanting my name. The other team called for a time-out...yes, just what our team needed too. As our coach nervously laid out his instructions, we could hear the crowd's cheer getting louder and louder, I started to feel the real power of the raw egg, and this time it's coming from my stomach...possibly, the first attack. I tried to psyche myself but it was too late...the second attack came and it felt like my ass was going to shout. I managed to control it despite the goose bumps running all over me. I recalled my coach giving instructions to me but none came in my head as I was thinking of my next step in case the dreaded third attack strikes. I was like a boy possessed by a devil staring at his face and ready for the kill. Both were crucial--the game and my stomach. I was like torn between two lovers...But the thought of the embarrassment I might get into in case it happens gave me a concrete decision to tell my coach that I can't continue playing coz my knee suddenly hurts...lame excuse I made...but who cares. He was stunned! He said "Tang'@#! Anong arte yan? 'Di ka pa pinag-papawisan bali na buto mo! 6 seconds nalang kahit di ka na gumalaw!" Then I realized...Oo nga, 6 seconds nalang tapos I would already achieve my freedom to go to the bathroom. Just as the inbound was to take place, the third attack was about to take place too, and with all might, this one seemed impossible to stop (nag-aalburoto na!!!). The inbound was intercepted by my team mate who quickly made a strong pass to me, and there was I, completely unaware of what's happening coz of my sudden diarrhea problem , catched the ball with my face and eventually allowed the steaming hot smelly shit come out of my shorts and, the next thing I knew, I was making the entire gym as my toilet bowl. Super naka-kahiya! We won the game but it was the opposing team that looked like they had won the game. They were laughing non-stop and even joined the crowd in chanting my name. Several days after suffering my humiliation, my classmates teased me by saying I-shoo-shoot mo na lang sa toilet bowl nag-mintis ka pa". It was really for the record and I don't know if, after all these years, the students then talk about this incident during their reunions. - Robert Jawo
(If you want to share your embarrassing moments, please email mybalot@gmail.com)
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