I remember back in college, me and my friends would hang around in a corridor to do girl watching. We’d normally rate them 1-10 based on their good looks and gorgeous bodies. At one time, I decided to do a research which had nothing to do with my studies…and that‘s… to get their phone numbers. Once I got their numbers I would immediately give them a ring using a fake name. During those times, cellular phones were not a necessity yet, and having one would make you a very unusual human being. One way to talk to these pretty ladies whom you’ve never ever met was through the phone and hoped you’d become phone pals someday. Most of the girls I called on were high-profile and the ones considered in the socialite or elite group. Yes, it was hard to penetrate this market and my battering average was like a big “0”. Meaning, out of the top 50 I made 0 phone pals. Instead, I just concentrated on targeting the B market, but this too proved to be difficult and so I decided to call off my stupid hobby. One Saturday night, I was so bored at home that it felt like my mind was going to explode. I knew I had to do something crazy or else my weekend’s ruined. I was checking some items on my desk ‘til I stumbled upon my pocket-sized phonebook. There I saw the list of remaining girls that I have not called yet including one of my beautiful socialite classmates who happened to be my ultimate crush. It took me almost an hour to get my blood and guts running until I convinced myself that there was no way she’d find out who the caller was. Since I don’t come from an English speaking family, I knew I had the talent to pull the trick and sound like a legitimate one on the phone. Finally, I’ve mustered enough courage to dial her number. When the phone was answered I heard a cute sounding girl say “Hello?”...I choked… so I immediately dropped the call because I was positive it was her. Second call, I asked if I could talk to her but she said “No”. The third time the phone went busy for a while. After about 30 minutes I tried to call her again, and this time, she accommodated the call but you could sense that she was a little irritated. I said that I was trying to call my friend and must have dialed the wrong number, since I thought her voice kinda’ sounded cute, I could not help but call her back and perhaps have a friendly chat . The next 45 minutes was like a police interrogation of who I really was but I was a very uncooperative suspect. As our conversation went on for hours she was getting a little convinced that maybe the call was just a stray call, and that she began to ease down and really started to make a real chat. I remember sharing a few laughs with her which was a good sign (Hanep! Ang galing ko talaga!). Although she gave me a fictitious name, Emily, I could not care less. All I care was that I was talking to my ultimate crush and the potential of us becoming phone pals was almost sealed. There was a time that I was getting carried away by my emotions that I wanted to reveal my real identity. Good thing I was able to hold myself like a professional scammer. For hours we were like two people trying to get to know each other and finding out if we were compatible. Suddenly, I heard an incoming tricycle and it sounded like it’s going to stop in front of our house. I checked on the time and it was 3:20 am…yaiiiks!! Time really flies when you’re having fun! I had a feeling that my parents were on that tricycle so I told her that I’ll call her back in 5 minutes because I had to drink my medicine. Actually, I just did not want her to hear the tricycle because I told her that me and my family lived on the 20th/F of a condominium somewhere in Makati Business District. Indeed, my parents were on that tricycle and they had just arrived from a 2-week vacation in our province, Bicol. When I came out to greet them, my parents were surprised to see me fully awake and energetic. I told them that I was waiting for them and was on the phone the whole time talking to my friend, Aldrin, who was helping me with my assignments. I hurriedly carried their stuff and rushed back to my room to call her back. Then we hit it off on the phone again. This time, she would already make pa-cute comments like: “I thought you’ve forgotten about me coz it took you 10 minutes to call me back”...wow kilig! Then I said “I actually didn’t want to drink my medicine anymore because you just made me feel better”…wow counter kilig! As we were exchanging kilig words, I suddenly heard my mom’s voice on the phone using the extension line… and with a subtle tone I remember her saying: “ ‘To (short for Toto) punta ka muna nang banyo” then she put the extension phone down. She (Kate) asked: “Who was that on the line? She sounded so creepy”. I said: “Aaaah…I think there’s a party line?”. Then, I heard my mom again saying: “’’To? ‘To?”…(there was a pause on the line) ….although I knew she was my mom, I asked: “Who is this party line?”…then she exclaimed: “Hoy Resmond! Ano ba!? Kanina pa kita pinapalabas diyan! Buhusan mo nga muna yung kubeta at may taeng natira!” Ayy de puta! I couldn’t believe my mom blurted it out. I immediately told Kate that I think I’ll have to call her again to clear the party line even though I knew I was busted when my mom shouted my real name. By the way, the fake name I gave Kate was Timmy which was a far cry from my real name. So I went out of my room and disgustedly asked my mom why she had to say all of those things on the phone. She just answered without pakialam: “Eh, ang tagal tagal mo! Ano ba kinahihiya mo? Kaibigan mo at lalaki naman yang kausap mo! Buti kung babae or girlfriend mo”…”Ang tanda mo na ‘di ka pa marunong mag-flush ng dumi mo”. Oh my! Oh my! I could not believe this was happening to me. For a moment I was in heaven and now I’m in Elm Street. After things toned down, I called her to check whether everything would still run normal. When she answered the phone, she asked angrily: “Who are you really?!” I said answered: “Timmy!” Then she asked again: “Are you Resmond my classmate?” Just before I could reply, she said: “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” and banged the phone real hard. Right at that moment I wanted to kill myself and thought about not going to school on Monday, but not going to school meant I was guilty, so I decided to attend class and just act normally as if I did not make the call. Surprisingly, she was the one absent that day and days followed I didn’t see her in school anymore until I found out that she had dropped out. I really felt guilty about the whole thing, or maybe she just really took it hard on herself. Either way, had she not dropped out, I would have been the one melting in shame.
Resmond (Sweet Talker)
"Pokwang" and "Tessa Prieto-Valdez"
